WHAT IS THERE? REACTIONS OR RESPONSES?

SITUATIONS AND REACTIONS?  WHAT IS THERE ?

REACTIONS?

or

RESPONSES?

HOW DO THEY TAKE PLACE? IF WE DECIDE TO DO SOMETHING, HOW DO WE REACH THERE? HOW DO WE MAKE OUR DECISIONS? 

I want to eat yellow Cadbury Gems from many of them. Really Easy?   right? No,  not so  easy for me, it is quite a difficult decision since I also want to eat Red and Purple and many others.  But of course ,  in comparison with other Decisions this is quite an easy task for me. May be because I don’t have to take much care about my decision in this situation of eating chocolates. 

But there are situations in our life where we have to take more care, pay more Focus and Attention for those decisions. For example:

1.  Parents scold at their son in front of his friends, and then, he is more set with his behaviour. 

2. My maid breaks the brand new Cup form the new Crockery set, and then I found that it was not all her mistake. 

3. The boss in the big company complains about his subordinate and then he feels guilty about it. 

In all the above three examples we can see that there is some thing happening there….
The story beneath the actual decisions were made.
In all the three decisions the important things taking place are….

1. There is no change in my son’s behaviour.
2. No mistake of my MAID. and ,
3. Feeling Guilty.  

What are above three things all about? Aren’t they all either EMOTIONS or FACTORS STRONGLY CONNECTED WITH EMOTIONS? 

I have something to say / ask here. 

Are all impulsive reactions bad?
Are all bad decisions impulsive ?

Let us not judge them. Have a look at following reference...
I read this recently in GBR Review.. Graziadio Business Review………….

********In a complex and insecure business environment, managers need to use every available tool to successfully survive and to serve both employees and the companies for which they work. We suggest that these tools include familiarity with and choice of appropriate responses to emotional as well as to cognitive concerns******http://gbr.pepperdine.edu/2010/08/use-emotional-intelligence-to-cope-in-tough-times/ 
You can read the whole write up on the link above.

Question arises here is that…...

“ IF EVER WE WOULD HAVE HAD SOME MORE TIME WE WOULD HAVE DONE MUCH BETTER. HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED SOMETHING LIKE THIS IN YOUR LIFE? "

Yes? Oops; 

No? Oops;  actually not to worry, good news is, you are having the very first step of awareness. Believe me.

Because then we are trying to understand what was there? what happened? We’re looking at the pros and cons. We’re looking at the consequences. We’re being tactful.  Focusing more on the HOW part. We are trying to connect it with future. We’re not being impulsive.

Do not lose this moment of your life; this is the very first step. Take it , dare to take it. Check closely, What’s happening? Why is it happening?

and how ? What would have been there if ever you could have changed something? or How would be the better way to think , feel or act in that tough situation? 

This very step is taking us towards emotional intelligence through mindfulness. We are actually trying to reach to the things which might have already happened in the earlier past but they are making us strong and smart to make us aware in the present ; every moment in the present and also in the next time when the tough situation takes place again in life.

What can be added and avoided. We reach to this or we can reach to this only with MINDFULNESS. Since we understand that something happened which is not so good. That is also a situation. And we are trying to go to deeper and deeper to the situation to understand and become more and more aware about it. 

As we become more mindful we become more aware and as we become more aware we become more emotionally intelligent. 

And all those REACTIONS change next time and become RESPONSES. Just imagine how the world would be if all of us try to change our reactions to responses? 

My mentor in Emotional Intelligence ‘ Joshua Freedman’ ,  says, 

“ When every time we change from reaction to response we actually, use the EMOTIONAL DATA we notice beneath the story”. 

My mentor in Self Science , ‘ Anabel Jensen’ , says,  “ That is how we actually reach to the stage of becoming our own scientist. And we apply more and more knowledge of ’SELF SCIENCE”.  

My mentor in Research, ‘ Dr. Susan Stillman’, says, “ We can actually apply this knowledge of awareness to improve upon our competencies of emotional intelligence as EMPATHY” . 

The website we should not miss ever : www.6seconds.org or eq.org

Check it out.

SITUATIONS AND  REACTIONS.

ARE THEY HAVE FASTEN TOGETHER?

http://www.ssbcrack.com/2012/07/situation-reaction-test-commonly.html

    The above link I have given here is about the test of our own situations and reactions. I found it very interesting. I was solving and somewhere I found that, this is something which is really knotty, needed to be fixed, want to be changed or layered off.  

Where do our balance go? Who are the creators of difficult situations we face? What kind of reaction is not to be given? Or what kind of reaction is to be given? When to be given? Why do we feel so complex about it?

Research says that, most of the times we are the creator of difficult situations, we  face in life.

There are some important things. 

               1.     We are not in the position to take the ownership of our own created situations.

               2 .     We are not aware about the relationship of our own created situations and our reactions.

               3.     We are unable to tune in properly with situations and reactions and miss the appropriate    options.

         4.     Or, we are over-tuned between them, so that we don’t understand that we need CHANGE.

 Here, our mindfulness comes into picture. Because we have fastened ourselves with situations and reactions as such that we go on our autopilot mode Or default mode. And we don’t want to change it. 

With mindfulness we become inward and try to become more aware about data of our situations and reactions, of our feelings, thoughts and actions. We become more insightful and go deeper to the situations.  We become more profound to find out reasons behind the reactions and at the same time try to find out appropriate options for it.

Thus mindfulness meditation helps us in becoming more focused yet Flexible. Less reactive and powerful.

                     

When we mindfully meditate we realize that, we have not only become more intricate but also we are ready to accept things, find out more creative options, become optimistic, self empathic and compassionate for others, feeling of gratitude increases And ultimately Resilience is achieved.

http://blogs.hbr.org/2014/04/how-to-override-your-default-reactions-in-tough-moments/

Harvard business review blogger and scientist Lee NewMan, who is also Dean of innovation and behavior at IE Business School, says that to override our default reactions to tough moments we need to have at least three things. As,

1.  Knowing our default situations, Becoming more aware about them.

2.  Anticipate  the further consequences to overcome from the negative impact of them.  And

3.  Design your situations, Become your own designer.

What is your Choice?

 How do you want to solve the knots? And experience Freedom?

 Share here.